The end the end the end...

What happens after you walk away from what you thought was everything you ever wanted.

The end. Starting at the end feels like nothing makes any sense. There’s no context, no beginning, no middle, nothing to ground yourself. Just flailing endlessly at the very, very, end. I have so much to say and truthfully nothing at all. All I know is that endings are usually messy but the clean ones are more scary. They force you to face the abyss of nothingness before you much faster. But alas I’m gluing my hands to my sides, refusing to reach for strands, determined to walk into the empty rooms before me even if I go afraid or dissacociated. I think I fear success because I fear being seen. Seen for what I am not. Because if you know anything about success it’s that nothing ever stays hidden, espeically your flaws. Curious to see how the Lord meets me even deeper in his precious love now that I have all this space and self awareness. Not my first season full of space for sure but the first season I wasn’t youthfully prideful that I can do it all myself. Now I’m humbly surrendered to the path set before me, painfully aware of my shortcomings. Treck on I shall. Treck on I must. See you in a month when I don’t feel like this anymore and something has sparked a new beginning.